As we approach the start of Unit 1.2 of this MA, I think back on this 2 month break with gratitude. Grateful for a time to reflect on the things I have learned during Unit 1.1 and to recover after a very busy and challenging 7 months. Grateful to consolidate the ideas around my focus for this MA and to gain perspective and new inspiration. I have also made a conscious decision to be grateful for the challenges I have experienced during the break, as they led me to conclusions about a more authentic focus for this MA and relating themes that I am deeply passionate about. A narrower focus around the theme of HOME and an urgency to express these ideas has resulted.
Let me elaborate…
During the course Unit 1.1 I explored the theme of HOME and I navigated my way through various physical and metaphorical definitions of home. After reading through my assessment feedback as well taking time to think about my own conclusions I decided that I was spreading myself too thin and that it was perhaps necessary to refine my focus. I think it’s something I knew all along. The beginning of this MA, started as a very wide path with an invisible horison. I didn’t have a clear idea of where I was heading. There has been a flood of voices and influences (besides the many external distractions) and I often struggled to become quiet enough to connect with something authentic inside. As I researched my theme, the path started to narrow slightly but by the end of Unit 1.1 I felt like I had a research theme that was defined but not focused enough and that really underpinned the work I was making and was wanting to make. I struggled to start any practical artwork, a type of creative block/paralysis. I guess it was due to too much reading and searching for meaning in order to start making instead of finding meaning through making.
During the last month, after suffering of an intense burnout due to the strain of balancing life (asa well as building and moving house) and this MA, I found myself feeling anxious. It didn’t come as too much of a surprise to me. I have been here before. I felt angry with myself for not taking better care of my mental health, for not maintaining a balance although, looking back, this would have been impossible given my circumstances.
As mentioned earlier, I slowly became grateful for this vexed and tortured state of mind. It showed me what was most important to me, what I felt most passionate about and what was very obviously the most important home of all to me – my inner home…my body as a home…my soul. For it to be healthy is vital and for it to be neglected and unbalanced (at least in my case) meant mental, emotional and physical suffering. I found myself on the narrow trail I was looking for and suddenly, I no longer felt like I lacked direction. ‘The body as a home’ was already part of my research in Unit 1.1 but I was perhaps shying away from making it the main focus for various reasons. Perhaps not wanting to make myself too vulnerable. However, a strong empathy and interest in psychology has always been part of my life and I hold a certificate in counselling skills. Art therapy is another field of interest. The human psyche is therefore something I would like to express and explore through my art and hopefully in the future my art and knowledge can somehow be used to help someone who is suffering emotionally. This will bring me the greatest fulfillment.
The decision to focus on the body as a home (the inner landscape) means that I will be looking at the invisible but very real and powerful realm of the soul. This in itself is still a very wide theme seeing that the soul has so many complex aspects. I touched on Identity and belonging in my contextual study in Unit 1.1 and therefore I wanted to narrow my focus around these and on the factors that influence them.
I am interested the relationship between the visible and the invisible and our interconnectedness with nature and others. The embodied self. How moments of transformation can happen within the context of these holistic relationships. The TRANSFORMATION OF THOUGHT – the process of one state of mind changing into another like in the metamorphosis or life cycles found in nature is fascinating to me and brings hope. The PROCESS and UNCERTAINTY is always part of any transformation. And so I decide to use the process, uncertainty and long recovery process of my anxiety to inspire a new direction in my art.
I will ask questions like: what it self-identity and why is it important? How does it change throughout the stages of life? What are the negative influences on our sense of self and belonging (does mental health and a digital era have an effect)? What are positive influences on our sense of self and belonging (does interconnection with the natural world and art-making have an effect)? What can we learn about ourselves by looking at the natural world?
For the answers to these questions, I will explore various ways to visually communicate this complex and abstract theme. I will also be turning to some of the areas in the fields of Psychology, Neuroscience, art therapy, Ecology and Philosophy for inspiration and insight.
I look forward to the start of Unit 1.2 tomorrow!